2 nights ago I found out that my friend’s dog passed away because of anemia. My friend was devastated as she loved her so much. It was also sudden and she wasn’t prepared emotionally. I felt sad because I also lost a dog whom i dearly loved few years ago and i know the feeling. While talking to her through the comment section in her fb account, I suddenly felt jealous to the dog because she will see abby there.
During the first month of my grieving experience, I always think about suicide. I wanted to die so that i can be with my baby. I wanted to see her, I wanted to hug her and kiss her. During those times I felt like I will lose my mind, i wanted to scream and just pour out all my emotions. Everyday i will google how to properly do the knot if ever i will be hanging myself or which is more better way to die, is it slitting my wrist or to overdose in pills. Tbh, I still wanted to live but I don’t want to feel the pain anymore, i don’t want to live without my baby by my side,.,,i just simply want to end all of these. Not that I stopped the suicide ideation, i still think about it every now and then but i managed to control it now but i don’t know how long i can do it.
Luna will see Abby in heaven and for now i don’t have that privilege yet but i know someday we will see each other and if that time comes i will be the happiest mother you’ll ever know.
my little girl named abby 