Last Sunday, June 2, 2019, I’ve finally got the courage and strength to go to her. It was her 1st month since she stopped breathing. My anxiety that day was getting worse as I don’t know what to do. I’m scared that I will have a emotional breakdown If I go because It would be the first time seeing her in her grave. But the feeling of wanting to be with her was stronger than my anxiety. So we went there with my youngest brotha. I bought a solo black forest cake for her, a pot of flower and 2 pink candles. While we were on our way there I was silent and teary eyed the whole time. I thought of her face, her closed eyes, her blackened lips, her chubby rosy cheeks, her cleft chin, her nose, her curly hair, just all about her. We both went there for the 1st time so we just relay on the direction given to us. The cemetery was clean and small…it was decent compared to other public cemetery that I went to. It took us more that an hour to find her grave. I was happy when I saw it because her tombstone was already there. I was nervous the whole time we were there but again I’ve successfully hide my true emotions as while we were looking for her grave, I was talking to myself that I will not cry and breakdown and I got my mind set. Her tomb was in the 7th floor of the barracks so we used the improvised ladder to get up to her and took pictures. I went home exhausted and immediately laid into bed.
my little girl named abby 