restless

It’s exactly 1 month today since we found out that Abby stopped breathing. I can’t get out of my bed and i just wanted to cry all day. That traumatic event made a flashback on my mind right now, from that day until now that she’s no longer here. I still don’t want to accept it. I can’t believe that it actually happened to me, that it was real.

Hiding my emotions to my loved ones seemed effective. I didn’t want them to feel sad and feel sorry for me that’s why I don’t cry when i’m with them. Suppressing your feeling isn’t easy especially in times like these. It scares the hell out of me that one day it will just gonna explode.

I wanted to visit her today for the first time. I just can’t go because i don’t want to face the reality that she’s really gone…forever. I’m afraid that I will breakdown in front of her grave. I love my little girl so much that I don’t want to let her go. I don’t want to see her lying in there. I’m in so much pain right now..pain that i can’t described. The kind of pain that you wished you’ll never experienced.

I don’t know how to go on with my life. When she died a big part of me also died. And until now i wish that i’m gone with her too. I want my little girl back!! And if it’s not possible please take me to her, I wanted to be with her. How can I live when a big part of me died already. Is it possible? I just want to end the pain but don’t know how.

Abby baby, please take me now with you😢😢😢

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